So Will I

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Psalm 66:4 All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing the praises of your name.

Ushered into His presence by worship music, I love sitting at Jesus’ feet as I drive.

The anthem I sing right now is “so will I” by Hillsong. Engaged in quiet time with Jesus, I concurred, “if the mountains bow before you, so will I”. At that moment, I asked the Lord if there were any mountains in me. He reminded me of my pride, which He’s already working on. I felt the powerful realization — my pride is nothing for God to bring into submission. What a comfort His grace gives, revealing this to me. He helps us surrender anew each time we come humbly before Him, boldly in His presence.

Studying deep in the book of Romans, He revealed some ugliness about my ego/pride. For a while, I thought I had Him all figured out.

There’s a party game we play. We put a paper plate on our head. Then attempt to draw something without looking. “I got this, I’m somewhat of an artist”, I thought. Just by feel, the perception is that your picture looks right. But when you take it off your head, it looks like Picasso drew it. That’s kinda how my perception of God was. Feeling He should do things a certain way, when I compare it to God’s Word, it was a little off.

We have a tendency to want to understand everything about God, draw Him without looking, but we just can’t. He’s too great. He reminded me how He’s more complex than my understanding of Him.

Long story short, I thought I could easily understand the whole mystery over elect. I thought it was simpler. I drew conclusions and by doing so, judged the Judge Himself. Job and Psalms really helped me through, doing a procedure on my soul, lifting me out from my pit of shameful pride.

Once again, I declare thankfully — my pride has nothing on the Word of God.

I’m relearning how NOT to lean on my own understanding. Instead I trust His character, knowing His ways are higher than my ways. He showed me that even if He “shows mercy to whom [He] shows mercy” (Romans 9:15), I still need to trust that He’s good. He cannot make bad choices, nor bad judgement calls. Since yielding, He revealed I made inferences about which I don’t understand.

In Romans, Paul explains how God’s mercy extended also to gentiles. The temporary heartening of the jews hearts was to introduce gentiles into the kingdom. In doing so, God knew this would make jews jealous enough to want the same mercy.

An exaggerated paraphrase of what my heart heard; “see, it’s not how you thought. I just had to get you to trust me first before revealing more of Me”. Of course, this sentiment is completely paraphrased.

Sanctification. It’s definitely not a comfortable process, having pride squeezed out. Yet, His discipline yields right living. For which, I am truly thankful.

Dear Jesus, Thank-you for opening my eyes to the wonders of Your glory and mercy. You made us in Your image to adore you and enjoy Your close fellowship. We, along with all of creation, bow in joy-filled reverence to You, Our Wise King. ~Amen.

How we respond matters, see A Test of Faith